I’ve been thinking a lot about makeup recently. I saw a friend post about the #PowerofMakeup
online movement. It’s an interesting
concept, and I’m glad it’s given me something to pause and reflect upon. Wearing makeup is a personal choice and not
something that I think anybody should be ashamed of doing, the same way women
should not be ashamed of NOT wearing makeup.
I know that makeup dramatically changes the way that I look,
enough that when I come back from vacation at the beach or from a period of
illness my family always has a double take when I “put my face back on”. It takes only about 10 minutes a day but it
makes a big difference to me. There are very few places I will go without
wearing it. The interesting question is:
why?
I have been officially wearing makeup since I was 14, and
honestly a little before that as at the ages of 12 and 13 I BEGGED and PLEADED
with my mother to let me wear something more than clear mascara and lip
gloss. It’s something I’ve always loved
to do but I didn’t stop to wonder why.
So if you’ll please forgive the following bout of navel
gazing, I thought it would be helpful to put my thoughts on paper.
REASONS WHY I WEAR MAKEUP:
1.
It makes me look feminine.
Now before you start raving about
how I shouldn’t conform to society’s expectations of beauty and whatnot, please
understand that I’m not wearing make up to look pretty for OTHER people. There are plenty of days that I wear makeup
where I (and my family) are the only ones that see it. I wear it for me, so that I feel pretty and
feminine. I highlight the features I’m proudest of (my eyes), use it emphasize
others features that are pleasing but sometimes get overlooked (my lips and
cheekbones), and use it cover flaws (my skin).
Wouldn’t life be easier if we could do that for everything?
2.
It makes me feel my age and replaces some youth
I’ve lost along the way.
For most of my life, my body was
locked in a ferocious battle with a disease called endometriosis. The disease and the treatment I have endured
have left some pretty devastating effects and scars. The obvious surgical scars are across my belly,
which never sees the light of day, so I don’t worry about those. However, there are scars in my face that are
a little more subtle. As a 33 year old
who is dealing with menopause due to a hysterectomy, I have learned that this
surgery (the most common surgery for women in our country) and the hormone therapy
afterwards is a big joke. I’m 33, but my
body is convinced it is 63 no matter how many estrogen patches and hormone
pills I throw at it. There are lines that are etched around my eyes
that shouldn’t have shown up for at least another 10 years. There are bags under my eyes almost
constantly. I’m losing elasticity in my
face that I didn’t even know was there before. I’ve lost most of the hair in my
eyebrows. Sometimes there’s adult acne
that my body decides to throw up because it likes to make me crazy. And then the issue that I perplexes me the
most: somewhere in the last 5 years during my struggle my eyelashes turned white. It’s really strange, I know, but they’re
basically gone. Every day I wake up,
look in the mirror, and I see an old woman where a thirtysomething should be. However, with 10 minutes, some powders and
paint I can recreate a lot of that. I can make my eyelashes dark and full, paint my eyebrows back on, reverse some of the
damage premature aging has created, and bring my facial age back into the 30s
again. I feel like me again.
3.
It is my battle armor, my camouflage, and my war
paint.
About 95% of the time I don't feel well. It might be phantom pain left
behind by damage done to my nerves from the endometriosis. It might be scare tissue left by all the
surgeries. It might be part of a new condition that I suspect is there, but
haven’t been able to diagnose yet. I don’t
take medication to deal with any of this (I hate pain meds) so I just suck it
up and smile. Or the pain might be of
the mental variety, as I battle those twin dragons of mental health, depression
and anxiety. However, if my face looks normal I can fool most of people around
me into thinking everything’s okay. And
if they don’t treat me like I’m broken then it’s easier for me to not treat
myself like I’m broken. It makes it easier
to focus on what I need to do every day and not give any extra attention to the
war that is playing out in my head. If I look strong, and powerful, and
feminine I can convince myself that is what I am. Makeup helps with that.
4.
It is a form of artistic expression.
I love art. I’ve always loved art and even though I’m no
Rembrandt, I love to blend and shade and contour. My face just happens to be one of my favorite
canvases to play with. I love to see
what happens when I combine different shades or tones in unexpected ways. I love it when I get some difficult eye
makeup so right, it’s like magic and I’ll be checking myself out in the mirror
all day. I love buying new makeup and
playing with it. For the most part I’m not a loyal buyer of any brand in
particular. High-end eyeshadow makes me
just as happy as the shimmer I found in the clearance bin at the grocery
store. I am not a very organized person
in general, but my makeup kit is always organized and has a proper storage
place in my bathroom cabinet. The case
has been loved and treasured and houses a plethora of brushes and paint. It is the case of an artist.
Most of the time I’m wearing makeup, even when I do quick
errands or work out. People have
commented on it and I’ve jokingly replied “A good Southern girl doesn’t leave
the house without mascara and lip gloss on!” but that’s not true. Really, it’s just me. I just really like wearing it.
